We have received e-mails from two Arkasonians not happy with the results of the Border Wars match.
The first correspondence went like this:
Arkansas Harper wrote: Because of scoring improprieties, I as Match Director am going to invalidate the results of the Border War. You can't put Missourians on the Arkansas Team. Next year we will define how the scores will be tabulated and who can or cannot be on what team.
To which Missouri replied: As the duly elected and self appointed CEO, CFO, HMFIC of the world renowned accounting firm of Captain & Shark (doing business as Ozark, Ozark, Ozark & Ozark) I am afraid I have to invalidate your invalidation. The tabulated results of the match were kept in a hermetically sealed moonshine jar until the results were announced to the roar and approval of a standing room only crowd.
The only way possible to change the results of this world recognized prestigious match are to have a total re-shoot. I suggest we do that and, after checking the calendar of Ozark and Shark Accounting, I suggest the date of October 6, 2018, at the White River Gang Range. The challenge has been made!!!!!
Until then, I can only recommend you follow the advice of that great American, Archie Bunker, when he said, “Stifle it Edith!!!!”. An occasional Snickers bar is also recommended.
Missourians were placed on Posse !, not the “Arkansas” posse for balance in the Force.
The e-mail from Ozark Outlaw went as follows"
From Ozark Outlaw: Better refigure the scores fairly "BORDER SCUM". Next year should be fun with Arkansans doing the scoring!
To which Missouri replied: Dear Ozark Outlaw,
We have read your amusing letter.
And just what makes you think you can fire the accounting firm of Ozark, Ozark, Ozark and Ozark?????
What we can do, however, is because of your name, (“Ozark” Outlaw) we can offer you a junior accounting internship apprenticeship with the firm, if you can pass a simple mathematical test. It doesn’t pay much. Could you afford $10 a week? Oh, and you will also have to pass a background check, drug test, DNA test, principals of accounting 101 test, have a valid passport to get into Missouri, spent a week on the International Space Station, sign a privacy statement and do 20 hours a week community service in Missouri. Would you be interested?
Ozark Captain, CEO, CFO, ETC.
To which Ozark Outlaw replied: You are fired! Compendra? Looks like next years shoot will be fun also!